Simon Aloyts

VP of Engineering at Itransition Group

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Simon Aloyts's Summary

As per my last email, I don’t have the bandwidth to touch base with everything that’s on my plate but ping me anyway so at the end of the day it’s on my radar and I don’t want to be thrown under the bus because I didn’t circle back on this synergistic, win-win, no-brainer. Going forward, just to be sure we're on the same page, if you have a hard-stop, we can take it off-line later. Just bump it to the top of your inbox along with the rest of the low-hanging fruit that I'll bring to the table. Still "reading" huh? If your connection req was just accepted, please start asking for things right away! Send me all of your cryptographic investment opportunities, resume review offers and quad-certified super senior executive coaching availability. You should attach your calendar-app link to every message for how else will I know how important you are? And don't forget about "brain picking" and collaboration offers since these result in material improvements to my quality of life 800% of the time. We can then engage in several rounds of your copy/pasta braggadocio and performative Q&(don't care about)A after which you will begin the "pitch" monologue as though we have been the very best of lifelong friends. You'll make this very clear by using my name 32 times per paragraph unless your merge screws up %FIRST_NAME% - no worries. I've known my mom almost my whole life and sometimes call her %PARENT[0]% Thanks again for pretending to read my profile while you look for keywords to jam into your opening. I am very much looking forward to reading the 15MB of sales-speak word-salad that you have attached as multiple PDFs instead of URLs. I hereby wish you the happiest of LinkedInning with all the other super special folk whom you have graced with your attention!!!!!1📢💪🕬 With overabundant love, %FIRST_NAME% P.S.: [Addendum, Anno Domini MMXXIV] Pretty please with fructose on top, send ALL the videos of yourself walking and talking! The inclusivity of this newish selfie market strategy is empowering.max() because even though I graduated grade school and should, theoretically, read 20x faster than anyone can speak, I secretly sound-out my silly-lobules and just love watching close-ups of your nostrils as you synergize dramatically. In this, I suspect (I know!), I am not alone.